Name it to tame it

“Name it to tame it” is a catchy phrase, and like most catchy phrases it is a bit too tidy. But it points at something real: there is good evidence that simply putting a feeling into words can soften it a little.

What is affect labelling?

Affect labelling is the research term for naming what you feel. Saying “I’m anxious” or writing “this is disappointment” is affect labelling.

Researchers describe it as a kind of quiet emotion regulation. Unlike deliberately trying to calm down or think differently, labelling a feeling may not even feel like you are regulating anything while you do it. Yet studies find it can soften emotional experiences in ways that look similar to more deliberate strategies (Torre & Lieberman, 2018).

Does naming your emotions actually help?

In a well-known brain imaging study, people looked at photos of faces, most showing fear or anger. When they picked the word that named the emotion, rather than doing other tasks with the same kinds of images, activity in the amygdala, a part of the brain involved in emotional reactions, went down. At the same time, a region in the right prefrontal cortex became more active (Lieberman et al., 2007).

Brain scans are only part of the picture, so it helps to look at what happens in real life. One study worked with people who were afraid of spiders and were gradually exposed to a live spider. A week later, those who had put their feelings into words during exposure showed less physical arousal near a new spider, measured by skin response, than people who used other strategies or exposure alone (Kircanski, Lieberman & Craske, 2012).

That study is also a useful reminder to keep expectations honest. The labelling group did not report feeling less afraid than the other groups. Their bodies responded differently, but their own sense of fear was similar. Naming a feeling seems to take the edge off in some ways, not to make it disappear.

Why does being specific help?

Some people describe their feelings in broad strokes, like “bad” or “stressed”. Others can tell apart shades such as “left out”, “embarrassed” or “restless”. Psychologists call this skill emotion differentiation, or emotional granularity.

A review of this research found that people who describe their emotions with more detail tend to cope better with intense distress. They are less likely to turn to harmful ways of coping such as binge drinking or self-injury, and tend to have less severe anxiety and depression (Kashdan, Barrett & McKnight, 2015). This is mostly correlational, so it does not prove that learning more feeling words causes those benefits. The authors note, though, that there is some evidence that building this skill can help.

In practice, specificity is often where the relief lives. “I’m stressed” can feel like a fog. “I’m worried I let my friend down” is something you can look at.

How can I practise naming my feelings?

You don’t need a perfect word. The aim is to put the feeling into words, not to get the answer right.

A few gentle ideas:

• Start broad, then narrow. “Bad” can become “tired and a bit hurt”.
• Allow more than one feeling at once. Relief and sadness can sit side by side.
• Use your own language. Te reo, slang or a colour all count if they fit.
• Keep it light. This is noticing, not analysing.

Writing is a natural home for this. When you open Droplet, you might start your entry with a single feeling word before anything else, then see where the writing goes from there. Over time, you may find your vocabulary for your own inner weather growing richer.

Try this

1. Pause and notice where the feeling sits in your body.
2. Finish the sentence “I feel…” with one word. Then try a second, more precise word.
3. Write one line about what might have brought the feeling on.
4. Notice whether the feeling has changed at all, even slightly. There is no right answer.

This article is general information and not a substitute for professional care. If you need more support, see When to reach for more support.